“Don’t Get Married for Love”
Don’t marry for love we say but the question remains why then should we get married or maybe the real question is what is love?
In the discussion we deliberated what love is, there were many views on what love is; it’s a responsibility, it’s a choice, it’s caring, it doesn’t judge or look to harm, it is patient, it is kind etc but one thing stuck with most people’s mind…love is not really a feeling (it’s an action word).
This then gave context as to why people get married and the many mistakes most make when deciding to go down the journey of marriage. Doing it based on the butterfly feelings of love was agreed as the wrong reason. In recent times though many women have been hurt by men in society, women are pouring their hearts out in various forums sharing their experiences from a place of disappointment and a place of hurt. So we decided to ask the men how they approach love, marriage and relationships to help us strike a balance on the missing cord that may be the shining light for both genders to agree on.
Here is what we found out below:
Men believe a relationship with a shared vision makes it harder for there to walk away from. Men believe women should not compromise their constants but only compromise their variables (have a clear deal-breaker during courtship that is discussed) Men believe women should always bring something to the table in a relationship/marriage. Men believe women should ask the hard questions during courtship such as why do you love to rile (men are intentional & usually know why they want to do life with a person those who don’t is a red flag ) Women should look for a guy who knows how to navigate life, not just one who is already established as life brings its ups and downs.
Ultimately, we could all agree that people should marry with a purpose-fulfilling life together with a partner.
Two books were recommended: “T.D Jakes – Before You Do and Francine Rivers – Redeeming Love”
The host for the room Gbolly ended the session by giving his 10 takeaway nuggets and they go as follows:
- Dig into the past of your partner during courtship (find patterns and trends).
- Have clear marital objectives.
- Marry your friend.
- Maintain your individual fulfilment and don’t become a shadow of your partner.
- Grow together: a partner can outgrow the other if you don’t find this balance.
- Make sure you are complimentary- one person’s strength should make up for the other’s weakness.
- Understand the weakest link in a marriage is neither any of the partners but the kids (they had no say in your decisions to get married).
- Never let a 3rd party hatch out your differences if it’s not professional (you may forgive & forget but they won’t).
- Forgive a lot
- There are no rules, create yours as you go along.